Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
