I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
