You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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