I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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