Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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