I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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