Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
