dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I checked into jail on foursquare
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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