Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
