I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
