just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
