he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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