What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
