Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
