if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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