I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
