Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
