You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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