flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
