He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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