Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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