He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
