I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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