A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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So much rum. So many feels.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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