The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
