yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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