drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
