The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
