Swine flu is the new snow day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
