i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
