Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
