Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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