he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How's work?
Spinning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
