Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
