She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
