I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
