you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
