This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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