just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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