Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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