i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
