I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
