Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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