just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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