u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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