I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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