rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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