I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
