i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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