Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
