I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
