You just made me feel so damn special
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
