I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
