did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
