You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
