did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
