Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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