I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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