Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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