I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
