Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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