i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
