it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
