So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
