It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
