I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
