ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
