This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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