Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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