I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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