Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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