wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i came on her dog
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
