then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
