She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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