I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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