i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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