Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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