I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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