Non-Jews are for practice
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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