Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
