Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
