dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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